I Speak for Thousands of Women

hello, I am the self-appointed representative of the  thousands of women never propositioned by Herman Cain.

Herman Cain has never looked at me (or thousands of other women) and thought:

--"Man, I'd like to hit on that."

--"Umm ummm, I'd like some of that hot granny action."

--"hoo boy, she's out of my league."

--"Too bad Herman Cain is with his wife.  He'd like to get to know that honey a little better."

--"I wonder if she'd like to work under me at the NRA.  Wink wink nudge nudge."

--"hey sugar, Herman Cain's got a stimulus package for you."

--"Baby, I'd like to look under the hood of your democrat machine sometime.  Call me."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, should be the end of this sordid affair.  Leave Herman Cain alooooooone.

Crazy Birds Waking Us Up

Readers, the noise level here at the Nest has really gotten out of hand.  Wait, I made a pun without meaning to.  My topic for today is birds.  Lots and lots of birds.  Swooping and whirling and squawking or whatever you call bird sounds that aren't singing or looking for a mate.

One of my gripes about this abode is all the traffic noise we are subjected to.  Sirens and motorcycles and big trucks with grinding gears .... dear gussie it's wearing me out.

And now these blasted birds.  I think they are starlings.  They roost every night in the jungle of bamboo and weed trees that has taken over the backyard of the house across the street from us.  The backyard that faces the front of our house.  It's weird I know but that's how we roll in this hood. 

In August Paul and I went down to 17th street to watch the purple martins coming home for their evening roosting.  That was very impressive; a bird watcher there estimated 4000 birds came in that night, down from the high of 20,000 at their peak.  They had started migrating by the time we went down there to see them.

Our birds start coming home about 6 pm.  It takes about an hour for them to settle down.  Lots of false starts (or stops) happen during this hour.  Apparently there is some sort of protocol that must be followed before they can turn off the light and go to f***** bed.  Then they wake up around 6:30 am and fluff their feathers and fix breakfast, all the while raising cain.  The racket really is kind of frightening.  I don't know where the hell they go all day and I don't want to know.

I've included photos but a video is needed to do justice to this bizarre twice a day event.  It's loud.  Come over and see it.

I have to go to bed now.  No swooping or diving and screeching, I promise.

Taken from my sidewalk.

An impressive swooping maneuver

The Wedding Report

Our middle son Pete got married to the lovely and talented Kelly Hahn on Friday, August 19, 2011.

They enjoyed dating for 8 years and must have decided it was time to take the relationship to a new level.  No one can say they are rushing things, now can they?

While I have always been a big fan of Pete and Kelly for all of their accomplishments and fine personal qualities, my estimation of them has grown exponentially (that's a lot, right?) after seeing them get through this huge life event with nary a scratch.  They juggled a zillion details and were warm and attentive to all of their relatives and friends and appeared to have a great time at their wedding and all of its auxilliary events.  And they selected a great band for the reception, Ten Spot.  Who could help themselves from gettin' all jiggy with it once they got cranked up.  I was inspired to dance more than I have in my whole life by my granddaughter Evie.  For a 3 year old, she's got some moves.  I think she gets that from her mom.

So old granny janny and grandpa Paul had a fine time and now must rest in a darkened room until we regain what little strength we had prior to the wedding.

The only bad thing to report is that I dropped my camera and have very few pictures.  And the ones I got aren't so good.  I was just too excited to be still enough to take any good photos.  Please forgive me.

Something Good Hidden in the Wreckage

hi, I heard there was a problem with the debt ceiling.  Is it leaking?

I won't rail here about the asininity gripping our fair country; others do that so much better than I ever could.  I do wonder why asininity has only one S.  And that reminds me, you know what they say about assume .. it makes an ass out of you and me.

Back to the good news.  Just this week, the Obama administration decided that the new health care law would require health insurance providers to offer, with no co-pay, a range of reproductive health services for women.  This is very good news indeed.  It is shocking to me that many health insurers don't cover reproductive services.  Just another bit of lunacy in our health care system.  A few months ago I became a volunteer for Planned Parenthood.  I am sick and tired of the kooks who demonize Planned Parenthood and I decided to push back in some small way.  Our summer project is gathering signatures on petitions to send to Sec. Sebelius imploring the HHS to require insurers to cover the full range of reproductive services.  Now we don't have to stand out in the hot sun gathering signatures anymore, right?  No, not quite.  I'll be out doing it next Sunday.  It's not a hard sell getting folks to sign, as most people see the need for birth control coverage.  Of course the radical haters are gathering their forces to try to derail this requirement.  Can't those people sit down and shut up for a while?

Celebrate the small things I say.  It may be all we get.


from the NYT:

Insurance Coverage for Contraception Is Required

By ROBERT PEAR

Published: August 1, 2011

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WASHINGTON — The Obama administration issued new standards on Monday that require health insurance plans to cover all government-approved contraceptives for women, without co-payments or other charges.

The standards, which also guarantee free coverage of other preventive services for women, follow recommendations from the National Academy of Sciences and grew out of the new health care law.
“These historic guidelines are based on science and existing literature and will help ensure women get the preventive health benefits they need,” said Kathleen Sebelius, the secretary of health and human services.
The requirements apply to insurance in years starting on or after Aug. 1, 2012. They take effect in January 2013 for insurance plans that operate on the basis of a calendar year.

Once a month blog update

While on the cross-trainer at the YMCA, I had a number of thoughts:

--I have enjoyed very much getting to know the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, also known as Will and Kate.  Kate is lovely and always dresses in interesting clothes.  However, I am concerned that she doesn't eat enough.  Perhaps I'll send her a note advising that she try a plate of fish and chips once in a while.

--For some odd reason I am interested in seeing the final Harry Potter movie.  I have seen the first one but no others, nor have I read any of the books after the first one.  Will this hamper my enjoyment of what is sure to be the summer blockbuster?  And what exactly is a blockbuster?

--I wrote recently about being the world's worst gardener.  Well, I've struck again.  My beautiful, overloaded peach tree has gone from having a lovely vase shape to looking like an beat up old alley tree after the loss of 2 big branches and several smaller ones.  Peaches get heavy.  And on my farmette, they go from rock hard to moldy in a very short time.  So I have a smelly pile of peach-laden branches in my driveway, and hundreds of moldy peaches hanging on the tree.  The birds love it, as do the squirrels.  Cardinals especially like the tasty treats.  So I guess I am not a total failure.

--While I am forbidden to write about politics, or discuss them at home, I do think the debt ceiling (not a real issue) impasse could easily be settled with a rousing game of baggo and a case of beer.  Maybe some Route 11 potato chips.  Umm delicious.

--The reason I am thinking about potato chips is that hubby and I are on the Weight Watchers eating plan.  Sadly, Route 11 potato chips, nor any other brands, are on this eating plan.

--I have now moved well beyond what I thought about on the cross trainer so I better wrap this up.

One final thought:  USA women rule!!

Welcome Back

Let's see if I can remember how this blog machine works.

I did something new last week: got poison oak.  I do not recommend it.  I will post a photo so you can avoid the same fate.  Leaves of three, let it be.  I mean it.

Last night I watched 3 episodes of Madmen with my friend Winfree.  She has the netflix.  I think netflix is a wonderful idea, but I am sure the Woody's would find a way to lose money and DVDs and probably never watch anything.  But I digress from Madmen.  Which is a good thing in my opinion.  I can think of 3 words for this show:  awful, awful, awful.  It fails as a comedy; it fails as a drama.  It fails as a documentary.  Sheesh, it even fails as a mockumentary. Fail, fail, fail.  So that's one less thing for us to order if we ever get the netflix.

I have been enjoying the republican presidential candidate parade of fail.  Are they joking?  Someone could make a great TV show about these clowns and their "advisors" and all the drama that must go on each day as they prepare to go out on the world stage and make total idiots of themselves.  Do they practice?  Or does asinine behavior come naturally?  I think it would be marvelous if they just never settled on a candidate and we avoided the whole tedious and exhausting ordeal of a presidential campaign.  Think how pleasant that would be.  Maybe all the money normally spent of the presidential race could be donated to Planned Parenthood.  That would be my vote.

On the gardening front, my yard looks pretty good.  I have been paying Lawn Doctor to make my grass look decent and that's paying off.  I hate like heck to spend money on grass but it looked so awful last year it pained me to see it.  All of my various flower beds look nice.  My nectarine tree is drooping with a heavy load of what look like peaches to me.  I am going to have to time the harvest very carefully if we are to keep the squirrels and birds from stripping the tree.  I may have to call in sick to work for several days while I maintain a nectarine vigil.  I'll post a photo of the tree.

And, you'll be happy to know that we continue to clean up our frightening collection of crap.  I'm afraid we will end up on that show Hoarders if we don't do something about it.  I visit the Goodwill nearly every weekend.  If you were to come into our house right now and look around, you'd think I was lying about removing stuff.  So don't come in and look around, OK?  Just go right in the kitchen.  Stay there.  Get something to eat or drink.  Read the paper.  

And avoid the poison oak over at the dead-end.  Trust me on this.

 Don't touch it.  Don't mow it.  Don't make eye contact.  Back away from the poison oak and no one gets hurt.

Mother's Day Musings

Happy mother's day to all mothers, past, present, and future.

It's early here at the nest, and I'm enjoying the bird sounds, and the lush green of my yard after a night of rain.  The washer is washing, doing its duty just as I told it to, so that's a good thing.  Later the dryer will dry, also following my instructions.

Later I am going over to the Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden and strip leaves off of trees.  This will be a fun outdoor activity, and after I'll be able to tell people that I stripped on mother's day.

I'm feeling kind of melancholy and need to shake that off.  I am blessed with 3 excellent sons so melancholy on mother's day is pretty ridiculous.  Maybe I feel unneeded.  Maybe I miss my mother.  And Paul's mother too.  Raising children is a 24 hour job for 18 years, then they all take off (thank goodness) for their own lives.  And that's what we want, independent, self-sufficient off-spring.

I think the solution to my melancholy problem is that I need to think more like a man.  

I'll get right to work on that.  

Dread Pirate Donald

So almost-president Donald Trump thinks that we should seize Iraqi oil as payment for removing Saddam Hussein.  Funny, I don't recall the Iraqis asking us to remove Saddam.  But I digress.  Donald will simply send his military to fetch that oil.  Ditto with Libya.  If they want us to remove Quaddafi (not sure of spelling, but does it matter?), then hand over the oil.

"EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME", he'd say, "That's my oil now."

And then he'd send in his Somali sailors to take care of the dirty work.

Next he'd turn to the debt ceiling problem.  There's no need to raise that ceiling he says.  "I'd make a deal."   We're still waiting for him to say who'd he'd make a deal with.

I thought his birth certificate ranting was the silliest thing about him until I read this, from the transcript from his ABC interview with George Stephanopolis.  This explains a lot about his desire to get to the White House:

Stephanopoulos: Would you renovate the White House?

Trump: No, I wouldn’t.  Although I will tell you something.  I called up the White House about a year ago.  And I saw that they were having lots of functions for people like the President of China.  He’s a con-- you know, they rip us off all the time.  Then we have functions, but regardless of that.  But for heads of state.  Heads of other countries. And I said, "Listen, every time I see a function, you put an old broken canvas tent, that they probably pay some guy, some local guy a fortune for.  Guy’s probably became rich on the course of the tent."  I said, "I will build you, free of charge, to a very high official at the White House, one of the great ballrooms of the world."  I have, I think, the best ballroom in the United States at Mar-A-Lago  I built it.  It’s six years old.  It’s gorgeous, okay?  People are there all the time.  Getting married and doing events.  And I raise a lot of money for charity in the ballroom.  It’s a very big ballroom.  Holds-- I mean, it could-- it could hold 1,200-1,500 people.  It’s a tremendous ballroom. 50-foot ceilings.  So, I offered this person-- I will build it.  It’ll cost maybe $100 million.  Anywhere from $50 to $100 million.  I will give you a gift and what we’ll do is we’ll hire the top ten architects in the world, hopefully, the United States, but in the world.  We’ll have a committee, a review committee set up.  We’ll pick the one that everybody agrees, because it’s a little delicate.  You know, it is the White House, after all. And we will build, instead of a tent, a canvas tent, which by the way is even dangerous.  Instead of a canvas tent, we will build one of the great ballrooms of the world right in Washington, attached to the White House.  And they said, "Wow, wow.  That’s great."  Guess what?  I never heard from ‘em.

Stephanopoulos: This is true?  This is a true story?

Trump: This is a true story.

Insert photo here of an eye-patched Trump waving his cutlass, shouting EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY

Aarrrgh

this is pretty good

World's Worst Gardener

I'm back.  I've been busy.  I had to study every night for my horticulture exam.  I didn't really study every night, but I thought about it every night.  I'd organize my papers and books, and arrange the pillows just right on the sofa.  Get some dinner.  Talk to my husband.  Pet the cats.  Update my Facebook page.  It all adds up, you know.  I'm exhausted.

A few weeks ago I went out to the big old weed bed to get it ready for spring action.  I saw some parsley that I left to grow cause I liked the foliage.  (Who needs that much parsley??)  I reached over to yank it out of the ground and look what I got:

That's a hell of a parsley root.  Why yes, now I do recall planting carrots.

I left the carrot out there for the Easter bunny.

What's up doc?

Crazy Guvs on the Loose

From Florida:

In just weeks, Scott makes state cry uncle - St. Petersburg Times

Hey, here's an entrepreneurial idea: crazy governor trading cards. Governors could be rated on their likelihood of getting recalled, impeached, run out of town, or simply just ruining their states.

I remember when the voters in Minnesota thought it would be a hoot to have that wrestling guy as their governor. And now he looks pretty darn sane, doesn't he. What was his name?

If I had a set of crazy governor trading cards, maybe he'd be included and I could remember his name without having to google it. Hold on a minute ...

Jesse Ventura!

Very Interesting

I was curious about the governor of Wisconsin who says he will call out the National Guard on Wisconsinites if they squawk about losing collective bargaining rights and other employment protections for public servants.  He says he's just doing what he'd do if there was a snow emergency or flood.  

Since I've never heard of this fellow Scott Walker, I looked him up on Wikipedia.  He was born in 1967, never finished college, and got his first government job at age 27 when he was elected to the Wisconsin state assembly (in his second attempt).  He had that job until 2002 when he became the county executive for Milwaukee County.  In 2010 he won the race for the governor's job with a platform that included cutting wages for state employees and rolling back taxes.

All during his government career, he's been a champion for spending cuts, reducing government, shutting programs and services down.  To his credit, he gave back half of his salary for some of the years he was the county executive, but after a time, he cut his give-back amount to $10,000.

So, what we have here is a 17 year civil servant, earning a good living off of the government, accruing retirement benefits, providing his family with health care coverage, living a nice upper middle class existence; in other words, getting all the good things every family hopes for in America.  Who knows, maybe his charisma and political skill may take him all the way to the White House.

The rest of you chumps better shut up and take it and just be happy you have a job.  The National Guard is watching.

Torn Curtains

Do you remember that movie?  Julie Andrews and Paul Newman were in it.  I don't think there were any cats in it.

Remember my nice new curtains that I put up to keep the cold air out?

Certain members of our household are having issues with the curtains:

Tux says he don't know nothing about no stinking curtains

 Tippy says she's going to run away from home if I don't stop yelling at her about the stupid curtains.

And this is why we can't have nice things at the Empty Nest.

Breaking News from the Nest

Dear Sons,

Remember how you used to complain that when you were lying on the sofa watching TV, the sun messed up the picture and would get in your eyes?

Well, I took care of that problem today:

Curtains!!  Come on back and give us another chance.

Love,

mom

Snow Shots

No politics, no whining, no sarcasm.  Just snow.

Things are looking up

The new year officially begins today for me.  The virus is gone, my shoulder feels good, and I made a delicious wilted lettuce salad.  That's been a goal for me for a long time.  My mother made a delicious one, and doggone it, I want to be able to do this too.  Yes yes yes.  I can check this off of my list.

I made a fried egg sandwich for my college boy; he gave it a thumbs up. 

Tomorrow I will make a good poached egg.  Yesterday's attempt was too runny.  Needs more cooking time.  Tomorrow I'll get it right.

Yahoo! 2011 is shaping up well.  I hope this is the case for everyone in my viewing area.

Welcome 2011 ... I guess

The final quarter of 2010 was  a bit hard on me, so I've really been looking forward to 2011.  

Not to be overly whiny, but I have put up with a lot of pain since August.  First knee surgery, then a bad case of achilles tendonitis, then some weird hip pain for which I just had an MRI last week to find the cause.  The MRI was hideous because I thought I'd be brave and do without valium.  Boy, that was 20 minutes of pure hell.

My man and I went on a segway ride on Dec. 31, the last day possible before the gift certificate he gave me for Xmas 2009 expired.  It was a beautiful day and things were going along well (except the downhills, where gravity is not my friend)  when the left wheel of my segway caught on the doorframe of a floodwall door and dumped me over and I landed hard on my right shoulder.  I think I tried to break my fall with my right hand.  I believe the medical term for what I sustained is an arm jam.  You can look that up if you don't believe me.  At home I iced my shoulder and drank half a beer (standard medical procedure for an arm jam) and then we decided a visit to the ER might be in order.  X-rays showed that nothing was broken.  The upside of a trip to the ER is that they give you good drugs.  

Another upside to being tossed off of a segway onto my right side is that my left side hip pain is nearly gone.  Perhaps the impact fixed the pinched nerve affecting the left side.

So this morning I get up and move around and the shoulder's not bad at all.  After I'd been up for an hour or so, a huge wave of nausea washed over me and I now seem to have one of those 24 hour viruses that make you feel crappy all over.  Throwing up is actually a relief.  I never thought I'd say that.

So I've decided to postpone my 2011 until tomorrow.  It's going to be a really great year for me.  I'm sure of it.