Dread Pirate Donald

So almost-president Donald Trump thinks that we should seize Iraqi oil as payment for removing Saddam Hussein.  Funny, I don't recall the Iraqis asking us to remove Saddam.  But I digress.  Donald will simply send his military to fetch that oil.  Ditto with Libya.  If they want us to remove Quaddafi (not sure of spelling, but does it matter?), then hand over the oil.

"EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME", he'd say, "That's my oil now."

And then he'd send in his Somali sailors to take care of the dirty work.

Next he'd turn to the debt ceiling problem.  There's no need to raise that ceiling he says.  "I'd make a deal."   We're still waiting for him to say who'd he'd make a deal with.

I thought his birth certificate ranting was the silliest thing about him until I read this, from the transcript from his ABC interview with George Stephanopolis.  This explains a lot about his desire to get to the White House:

Stephanopoulos: Would you renovate the White House?

Trump: No, I wouldn’t.  Although I will tell you something.  I called up the White House about a year ago.  And I saw that they were having lots of functions for people like the President of China.  He’s a con-- you know, they rip us off all the time.  Then we have functions, but regardless of that.  But for heads of state.  Heads of other countries. And I said, "Listen, every time I see a function, you put an old broken canvas tent, that they probably pay some guy, some local guy a fortune for.  Guy’s probably became rich on the course of the tent."  I said, "I will build you, free of charge, to a very high official at the White House, one of the great ballrooms of the world."  I have, I think, the best ballroom in the United States at Mar-A-Lago  I built it.  It’s six years old.  It’s gorgeous, okay?  People are there all the time.  Getting married and doing events.  And I raise a lot of money for charity in the ballroom.  It’s a very big ballroom.  Holds-- I mean, it could-- it could hold 1,200-1,500 people.  It’s a tremendous ballroom. 50-foot ceilings.  So, I offered this person-- I will build it.  It’ll cost maybe $100 million.  Anywhere from $50 to $100 million.  I will give you a gift and what we’ll do is we’ll hire the top ten architects in the world, hopefully, the United States, but in the world.  We’ll have a committee, a review committee set up.  We’ll pick the one that everybody agrees, because it’s a little delicate.  You know, it is the White House, after all. And we will build, instead of a tent, a canvas tent, which by the way is even dangerous.  Instead of a canvas tent, we will build one of the great ballrooms of the world right in Washington, attached to the White House.  And they said, "Wow, wow.  That’s great."  Guess what?  I never heard from ‘em.

Stephanopoulos: This is true?  This is a true story?

Trump: This is a true story.

Insert photo here of an eye-patched Trump waving his cutlass, shouting EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY

Aarrrgh

this is pretty good

World's Worst Gardener

I'm back.  I've been busy.  I had to study every night for my horticulture exam.  I didn't really study every night, but I thought about it every night.  I'd organize my papers and books, and arrange the pillows just right on the sofa.  Get some dinner.  Talk to my husband.  Pet the cats.  Update my Facebook page.  It all adds up, you know.  I'm exhausted.

A few weeks ago I went out to the big old weed bed to get it ready for spring action.  I saw some parsley that I left to grow cause I liked the foliage.  (Who needs that much parsley??)  I reached over to yank it out of the ground and look what I got:

That's a hell of a parsley root.  Why yes, now I do recall planting carrots.

I left the carrot out there for the Easter bunny.

What's up doc?

Crazy Guvs on the Loose

From Florida:

In just weeks, Scott makes state cry uncle - St. Petersburg Times

Hey, here's an entrepreneurial idea: crazy governor trading cards. Governors could be rated on their likelihood of getting recalled, impeached, run out of town, or simply just ruining their states.

I remember when the voters in Minnesota thought it would be a hoot to have that wrestling guy as their governor. And now he looks pretty darn sane, doesn't he. What was his name?

If I had a set of crazy governor trading cards, maybe he'd be included and I could remember his name without having to google it. Hold on a minute ...

Jesse Ventura!

Very Interesting

I was curious about the governor of Wisconsin who says he will call out the National Guard on Wisconsinites if they squawk about losing collective bargaining rights and other employment protections for public servants.  He says he's just doing what he'd do if there was a snow emergency or flood.  

Since I've never heard of this fellow Scott Walker, I looked him up on Wikipedia.  He was born in 1967, never finished college, and got his first government job at age 27 when he was elected to the Wisconsin state assembly (in his second attempt).  He had that job until 2002 when he became the county executive for Milwaukee County.  In 2010 he won the race for the governor's job with a platform that included cutting wages for state employees and rolling back taxes.

All during his government career, he's been a champion for spending cuts, reducing government, shutting programs and services down.  To his credit, he gave back half of his salary for some of the years he was the county executive, but after a time, he cut his give-back amount to $10,000.

So, what we have here is a 17 year civil servant, earning a good living off of the government, accruing retirement benefits, providing his family with health care coverage, living a nice upper middle class existence; in other words, getting all the good things every family hopes for in America.  Who knows, maybe his charisma and political skill may take him all the way to the White House.

The rest of you chumps better shut up and take it and just be happy you have a job.  The National Guard is watching.

Torn Curtains

Do you remember that movie?  Julie Andrews and Paul Newman were in it.  I don't think there were any cats in it.

Remember my nice new curtains that I put up to keep the cold air out?

Certain members of our household are having issues with the curtains:

Tux says he don't know nothing about no stinking curtains

 Tippy says she's going to run away from home if I don't stop yelling at her about the stupid curtains.

And this is why we can't have nice things at the Empty Nest.

Breaking News from the Nest

Dear Sons,

Remember how you used to complain that when you were lying on the sofa watching TV, the sun messed up the picture and would get in your eyes?

Well, I took care of that problem today:

Curtains!!  Come on back and give us another chance.

Love,

mom