So almost-president Donald Trump thinks that we should seize Iraqi oil as payment for removing Saddam Hussein. Funny, I don't recall the Iraqis asking us to remove Saddam. But I digress. Donald will simply send his military to fetch that oil. Ditto with Libya. If they want us to remove Quaddafi (not sure of spelling, but does it matter?), then hand over the oil.
"EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME", he'd say, "That's my oil now."
And then he'd send in his Somali sailors to take care of the dirty work.
Next he'd turn to the debt ceiling problem. There's no need to raise that ceiling he says. "I'd make a deal." We're still waiting for him to say who'd he'd make a deal with.
I thought his birth certificate ranting was the silliest thing about him until I read this, from the transcript from his ABC interview with George Stephanopolis. This explains a lot about his desire to get to the White House:
Stephanopoulos: Would you renovate the White House?
Trump: No, I wouldn’t. Although I will tell you something. I called up the White House about a year ago. And I saw that they were having lots of functions for people like the President of China. He’s a con-- you know, they rip us off all the time. Then we have functions, but regardless of that. But for heads of state. Heads of other countries. And I said, "Listen, every time I see a function, you put an old broken canvas tent, that they probably pay some guy, some local guy a fortune for. Guy’s probably became rich on the course of the tent." I said, "I will build you, free of charge, to a very high official at the White House, one of the great ballrooms of the world." I have, I think, the best ballroom in the United States at Mar-A-Lago I built it. It’s six years old. It’s gorgeous, okay? People are there all the time. Getting married and doing events. And I raise a lot of money for charity in the ballroom. It’s a very big ballroom. Holds-- I mean, it could-- it could hold 1,200-1,500 people. It’s a tremendous ballroom. 50-foot ceilings. So, I offered this person-- I will build it. It’ll cost maybe $100 million. Anywhere from $50 to $100 million. I will give you a gift and what we’ll do is we’ll hire the top ten architects in the world, hopefully, the United States, but in the world. We’ll have a committee, a review committee set up. We’ll pick the one that everybody agrees, because it’s a little delicate. You know, it is the White House, after all. And we will build, instead of a tent, a canvas tent, which by the way is even dangerous. Instead of a canvas tent, we will build one of the great ballrooms of the world right in Washington, attached to the White House. And they said, "Wow, wow. That’s great." Guess what? I never heard from ‘em.
Stephanopoulos: This is true? This is a true story?
Trump: This is a true story.
Insert photo here of an eye-patched Trump waving his cutlass, shouting EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY
Aarrrgh
